She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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