We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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