four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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