I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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