Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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