i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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