god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize