Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
