you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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