1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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