and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
