im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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