The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
