you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
