my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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