You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
barbara walters just said penis...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
