life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
