i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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