in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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