If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
