All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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