i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize