Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
