She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize