i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
