i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
