If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
