He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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