Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize