i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
