Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
