Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
