either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
