If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes