I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive