Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.