Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.