Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.

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  (949): Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt. http://tfl.nu/7x8n
  Replies (6) Good night (1931) Bad night (642)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.

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  (484): Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date. http://tfl.nu/zs6r
  Replies (22) Good night (545) Bad night (3308)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."

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  (901): i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight." http://tfl.nu/7ug8
  Replies (29) Good night (4307) Bad night (967)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

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  (267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys. http://tfl.nu/6bet
  Replies (27) Good night (4775) Bad night (1004)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (8311) Bad night (865)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

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  (281): so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better. http://tfl.nu/ybcl
  Replies (8) Good night (4091) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me

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  (773): I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me http://tfl.nu/kij5
  Replies (9) Good night (1711) Bad night (901)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

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  (404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps
  Replies (9) Good night (1753) Bad night (2559)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.

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  (574): I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her. http://tfl.nu/9498
  Replies (3) Good night (2027) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.

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  (505): He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink. http://tfl.nu/5ult
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

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  (339): I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step" http://tfl.nu/eora
  Replies (2) Good night (1078) Bad night (442)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.

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  (407): We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party. http://tfl.nu/zy10
  Replies (3) Good night (799) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (+07): View more from

  I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx

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  (+07): I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx http://tfl.nu/i2go
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever

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  (309): I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever http://tfl.nu/ei5v
  Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.

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  (703): Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex. http://tfl.nu/3doz
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (432)

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