I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket