Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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