If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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