I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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