My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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