I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
