OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
