i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
