Sponge bath it is.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
