it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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