just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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