my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
