remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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