Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
