I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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