I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
