I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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