i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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