The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so let's talk penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
