I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize