i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to calm my uterus...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
