Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
