I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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