i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
