Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
