hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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