So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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