i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
